I don't even know what to titles this blog entry. I thought about "The End of an Era" or just "The End". But I don't really feel that way. And I though about "...And they lived happily ever after..." but that doesn't seem right either. Because I don't know. I don't know if this is the beginning or the end. At different times, it has felt like both.
I opened the store when I was 23. I had lots of hopes & dreams. And not a lot of experience to go with them. But I learned. And the store grew right along with me. That was 5 years ago. And when I look back at the pictures (above & below) I can feel & see the change. Thankfully, I was able to shake the horrific case of adult acne I had... I have gained some weight, and my hair color has been platinum, chocolate & everything in between. But the real changes, the real growths are not physical. They are in here (I am pointing to heart. And then to my head.) I've learned practical skills. I know about customs brokerage, gross margin ratios & corporate tax laws. I've learned about people. Some people are pleasant, some are wonderful, some are grumpy & some people are just plain crazy. And I learned that on any given day, I can be any one of those people.
After all that, I am wondering "Now what?". I remember bringing Miles to the store for the first time (below) and thinking "Everything in this store, all of it, doesn't matter as much as this tiny baby." And after that day, I wasn't the person who cared about the newest paper line from Basic Grey anymore. I just didn't. My priorities shifted. And they never went back. For me, it's all about my family now. That's where I am. I am at home. When I was at the store, my mind was at home. And my heart was at home. I am at home. And this is the best place for me, for now.
So "What Now?". Here I am. I am at home. A stay at home mom. And I have been for 2.5 hours now. ( 2.5 Hours!!!) This is where I want to be. So why am I thinking about the store (for the first time in 2 years...)?
I think I am scared. What happens when I wake up on Monday? And Tuesday?
What happens when I have finished cleaning every room in my house?
What happens when I get bored of playing with Miles & his trains?
What if my friends don't pick up their phones & I really need to talk to someone?
What if I become "Miles' Mom" and "Haley Ross" disappears?
What now? What happens now?
Oh my God. What Now?