Tuesday, May 29, 2012

642 - Vol. V

The person you loved who didn't love you back.

Sadly, there have been many. Not one person that might warrant a story of tragedy, rejection or romance, but dozens of young men who I watched from afar (creepy, I know). I use to fall in 'love' with every half-decent guy wearing a delicious smelling after-shave. My high-school diary is filled with references to the guys I 'loved'. I made up nicknames for them (in case Kendra violated my privacy), so looking back I don't even know who most of them were. 'B'man', "DollarBills' (Someone with money? At a private school overseas, that was most kids.), 'Curly', 'The Roofer' and 'Nepal'. None of them ever loved me back. This entry could read less like a love story & more like a list of life-long rejection. I for one, have come to terms with it.

It's not like I had my sights set on the most popular guys either, Nepal in particular was kind of a socially awkward nerd (but a very good basketball player). He didn't like white girls & I knew it. Because he flat out told me so. As a teenager I tried to pick guys that I 'had a shot with', except J.T.T. of course.... although I was convinced that if he only knew me....he would love me.

Nepal wasn't my first rejection. A.B. was. And it crushed me. I bravely invited him to go wall-climbing with me (not a date, I said, just something I knew he would also be into). He said yes. Because I was right, he wanted to go rock climbing. And although I was one of only two very impressive girls on the climbing team, and despite the fact that I mentioned several times that I had won Team MVP (I beat all the boys), A.B. just wasn't into me. So I did what any teen girl would do, I changed everything about myself to try & impress him. I started listening to Phish. I wore Birkenstocks. I parted my hair in the middle. I talked solely about baseball, I even went to Mickey Owen Baseball school. I was one of three girls. One was my sister. It was hell.

But A.B. held out. As far as I could tell he wasn't interested in anyone else, he just didn't like me. And we became 'friends'. And he was actually kind of boring. And pretty soon I had a boyfriend. And he was way cooler than A.B. So naturally, I did what any teenage girl would do..... I dumped him before he could dump me.

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