Wednesday, September 16, 2009

This Sucks.

Don’t get me wrong, I am impressed by the miracle of life. But pregnancy + me = not so much. I hate being pregnant. Besides the anticipation of the baby’s arrival, there’s nothing I love. So if you love being pregnant, I am happy for you. I really am. Jealous even. But if you don’t…. then here are:

10 Reasons why Being Pregnant Sucks.
(I am going to limit myself to just 10)

1. No unpasteurized Cheese. May not seem like a big deal to some, but when our Wine Club meets every month, the only thing to get me through the tortuous evening is the cheese. And I like the soft unpasteurized kind the best.
2. Ugly maternity clothes. Nicole Richie came out with maternity wear! I was so excited; she is one helluva cute pregnant lady. So I logged on to shop. But unless you live in L.A. where the weather is balmy, you’ll be like me, stuck shopping at UGLY maternity stores where they attach FRILLS, FLOWERS and BUTTONS to everything. Blech. And even in the cutest clothes, I look like a walking pear.
3. Empty hands. These hands like holding a glass of wine at a party, in front of the tv, during dinner…. Let’s just say I likes me some red wine. My hands are lonely.
4. Fat hands. I hate not being able to wear my wedding rings which prove I have someone at home who loves this beastly, waddling walrus.
5. I can’t dance. Not even at home, alone, while watching So You Think You Can Dance. (Not that I do that……). My coordination is gone. Instead I likely resemble a Bozo the Clown Bop Bag when I dance.
6. My skin. Breakouts make me think of Jr. High School. Which makes me feel insecure again (why is everyone staring at me?). That makes me puke. Even more than I already do.
7. Barfing is “the norm”. Barfing should not be "the norm"! In the past, throwing up (my mom says that is the most polite term…) only ever happened after a good night out (sorry, but true). Now I have chucked all over town & it doesn’t phase me. That’s not OK!!! If you see me ralphing in the line-up at Shoppers Drug Mart (been there), remind me to find a quiet place to recover instead of letting me yell at the cashier for not double-bagging. Ew.
8. Brian’s cologne makes me sick. So does your perfume. Just so you know.
9. I can’t sleep on my tummy. I try. Oh, I try. I was sleeping on my tummy when I was 7 months pregnant with Miles. But not this baby. Oooooh no, this baby isn’t as hard (?) and doesn’t let me throw all of my weight on top of him. Also, this baby would prefer it if Miles didn’t step all over it. But Miles thinks otherwise…
10. The food I once loved, I now despise. I don’t want to touch a burger, I don’t want to look at Orange Juice. Offer me a frozen yogurt... bugger off. Even when I think I want it, I get it and instantly feel turned off.

Portrait of a pregnant Haley.


Aaryn said...

I feel for you Haley. I can't imagine being pregnant with a little one at home too!! I'm in awe that you're doing it :)

kaly said...

Aww Haley! I feel for you. I'm one who looks at people like my sister-in-law, who just breezed through her last pregnancy, and the green monster comes to call. Jealousy with a little sadness mixed in. Pregnancy should be a happy time, right?
Oh well, I guess we just have to suffer through it and reap the rewards later in life.
Let me know if I can ever do anything for you!

Lee-Anne said...

Hang in there Haley. Pregnancy isn't easy sometimes but you will have such a beautiful reward in 9 months.

Kimberly said...

I won't wear perfume in Blairmore... will that help?

Carol T said...

Duly noted on the perfume - I won't wear it near you! I thought of you today - was going to bring you a slurpee, and then I thought, "What if she doesn't like her usual flavour?" So, enlighten us: what are you craving now?

Kitchen Utensil said...

oh Haley!!! I too was a 7 month puker ~ both times!! I however have crossed those hurdles and now have 2 kids (in school!!!) and life is grand! Hang in there and to prevent it from occuring again - get 'em tied!!!
Oh and the "congratulations" on my blog comments was totally laced with sarcasm...I could feel it!!
Chin up lady! Miles needs a playmate!

Scrapamum said...

I feel your pain, you forgot to mention that the bigger you get the harder it is to sleep.
Pregnancy brain
oh your right it is hard to limit it to 10.

Heather said...

I can so relate to what you are saying!!! By the way, nothing helped me with missing red wine, but I found 2 things that reminded me of it- a good aged balsamic vinegar with oil to dip bread, and pomegranate juice. Hope it gets better.